Dis bitch dat hoeee

soo lately things have been goin dencently.
I ended up completely dropping out of every school that I decided to attend. 
School just isn't for me. I realize this will be a reason for other people to look down on me, 
think of me diffrently then they would if I was in school- fuck it. They can go die.


I'm finally in a decent relationship & i'm happy with it.
Only problem here is I do alot of retarded shit because of nerves.
He probably thinks im an idiot haha.
Really I just haven't been in a relationship in awhile or 
felt strongly enough about someone to date them.
Soo I still get all weird which leads me to being paranoid..
Of course about his ex.  I haven't felt this strongly about someone
in awhile.

Thinking about it
i'm not even comfortable enough with myself
to be comfortable around someone who I haven't known for years.
And at that I don't really like talking to the kids I grew up with either.
I'm too worried about approving my image and shit like that all the time.
And sometimes I over do the whole situation because you can't become 
perfect over night. But trying to be happy in a relationship is hard when 
 you're not happy with yourself, but its not impossible as ppl say.
I just makes things difficult and less enjoyable.


But i'm not sure if I can deal with the whole being paranoid.
I'm not exactly sure if I even want to do this because either way...
I could possibly setting myself up for a heart break which is the 
worst feelin in the world and makes me question if i'm willing to take the risk. 
Am I willing to take the risk of feeling completely torn again?
I mean theres a first for everything...Everyone gets their heart broken.
But do I want to go threw that again?....

I mean they say its better to date someone who wasn't recently involved with someone...
But really mostly everyone has been recently involved with someone & in love.
With a large past..and normal human beings don't just forget about it.
They still care for a past ex in some kinda way.

Jr. high was the best with this kinda shit.
Most kids barely knew shit about relationships..Never anything seious.
Wasn't hard to tell when someone ment what they said.
Now its just a big guessing game because almost everyone has had an ex.
And they were involved with someone new and totally fucked them over to run back to 
their old miserable life not realizing there was a reason they didn't work out in the first place
& SHIT WON'T BE DIFFRENT.





fuck itt niggas
  • Current Mood
    blank blank

Blowing out flames of a blazing fire.

Mmmmm today I painted my hallway closet.
It looks amazing.



God I love the orange walls in my hallway.
Fuck'n sweet.



Soon i'm redoing my whole room.
I was about to do it green, then everyone and the mother did their room green.

So i'm not sure whats going on.
One of my walls is going to be a huge painting that i'm putting togeather.
Slowly but its happening.


My hampster is offically bald headed.
My luvly brother had decided he was going to put our hampster in hot wax.
Being hes only 3 he didn't mean to, but shouldn't of had it in the first place.
But sadly my mom didn't think of the hampsters well being & now in result to her carelessness my hampster is now baldheaded.

Everytime I look at him the song that goes "if your bald headed and proud of it get out on the dance floor" plays in my head like a CD on repeat.


Today school wasn't an option for me seeing I had no ride due to my mom having a doctors appointment for a stress test.
So I got to sit here all day basically doing nothing besides drowning in the pool of bordness moving has created & I really want to smoke a fat joint.
but because of move that has created lack of connections also, So i'm pretty much fuck'd.


Confusion is also taking over the little bit of normal feeling I have left. I always get so close to dropping out & then something always stops me. Theres something really small holding me in a place of retarded losers who do nothing but live to make eachother miserable. Most of the time i'm to blown to care what the fuck them people are doing and I probably wouldn't feel the least bit of sadness if something tragic would happen to them. Which is where my confusion comes in. If I hate highschool that much? And i'm that miserable & what I want to do((which is hair)) doesn't even require getting a high school diploma, why am I wasting my time? Maybe its the after affect that people feel after making the final decision of dropping out. The feeling of being a useless piece of shit going no where in life. Something that I dread to feel but in some ways already do?


In a way i'm just slowly growing apart from all the people I once loved & the places I would've killed to been. I guess you can say that i'm dead to the world or maybe the world is dead to me.
  • Current Music
    Rob zombie

One hand in my pocket

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab
  • Current Music
    Hung up- Madonna

(no subject)

GIRLS are stupid.


So Tomorrow I start school. and I have ppl warning me about the "girls" there.
Don't you know I dont give a fuck about chicks. haha. Seriously most of the time they scare the fuck outta me.



 Today was odd. I'm sure everyone knows about that fire that happend on utica. No good man no good.




Joe<3 your my favorite person ever.
We've been friends for a long time.
Things will get better.
  • Current Music
    no

Don't forget about us.

Okay so this is whatss up niggys.


School well I basically fucked up soo much in the past with the whole entire skipping bullshit and what not i'm going to guest to beable to graduate on time along with Allen, Ben, Dan, Ed, Kyle and Garry. Then Fat matt and all them are there too even though I don't really talk to them much so it shouldn't be completely horrible.

Over the weekend I went to Allens new place and checked it out. Its nice.
I haven't talked to Ben in awhile. Hes being a douche bag.
Brant and Desiree spent the night and thats always awesome having them here.

Yesterday I chilled with Ed, Mike and Dan. Played some playstation 1 which was odd.
I haven't played that sence shittt I don't know when and its pretty okay. I guess.

Tonighttt I chilled out with Dan the whole night basically.
I went to my grandmas earlier in the day and we got some nasty hamburgers.
Worse then white castle and thats hard to beat.
Then Brandon and Sam came over for a few. Brando and I were rocking the bandana thing.
Then Brando left because he has to work tomorrowww.
Dan and I looked up some Marshal Art classes and talked about stuff like we do everytime we see eachother.

This weekend Korey is spost to be comming here.
Hopefully he does this time. I'd love to meet him.

Tomorrow Ashleys comming over and we are going to clean.
I've been abusing livejournal lately.
Need to update way more then I normally do which is every 5 months.

Its cold in my house.
Winter can suck the big one.

YUP.


AND STEVE NEEDS TO GET UNGROUNDED SO WE CAN CHILLAX.
=D



NOTE TO SELF: I MISS YOU TERRIBLY
I miss that boy more then anything in the world.
He will be back one day.
THIS IS WHAT WE CALL A TRADGEDY.
  • Current Music
    From fist to last.

(no subject)

Mindless Self Indulgence once again so amazing. <3 I can't wait till best year. Jimmy Urine is love.
  • Current Music
    Mindless Self Indulgence.

(no subject)

So. I'm pretty sure that i'm moving to West Branch.

Thats really fucking gay. Seriously. 2 hours away.


Wtf. I'm so stressing over this right now.



=(

On the other hand I haven't been up to much. Just spending the time I have left with my friends.
Just got back from upnorth with Jeff and Joe. That was fun. I shot a riffle (sp) for the first time.
And hit what I was attempting to hit. Which was only a balloon but hell. I was excited.

Basically life has been wayyy to Elton John for me. We are moving away from everything I grew up around.
All my friends I grew up with. Just everthing. Everything that I love. I seriously do not know what the fuck imma do.


And im not going to school up there so shes gunna have to home school me cause fuck that. SERIOUSLY.

What the fuck am I going to do?
Someone gives me some advice. Really. =(


I really hope. I mean really really really hope this does not follow threw.
I mean damn at least stay closer?
Plus ALL the memorys I have here are way to awesome to be leaving. and I love love love all of my friends.

Fuck I even love the ppl I dont talk to.
Besides Jessica Harrah. Fuck her.

But I love them ppl I dont even know better then the hickabillys imma about to live by.
Catch my drift.
So I believe that before I move up north Im going to go to guest sence its easier..and get all the credits and shit that I can.

Even though my mom is putting my life up for sale this month. I still have time to maybe catch up on some shit.




Im going to have a party.
A big party.



Fuck this.



I need to stop the stressin right?

And im starting drivers training soon as hell so hopefully i'll have my car SOON SOON SOON.
and i'll be down here all the time cause im sweet like that.
Not to mention there are bears and coyote's (sp) where i'm moving.
Nice way to die right?

GOD. GOD. GOD.


FUCK ST.JOHNS HOSPITAL.
SOMEONE BLOW IT UP. NOW!
  • Current Music
    Mushroom head

(no subject)

Yuuuupp. So im chillen at vanessas housee with jeff and matt. Today was boring. I tried to stay up all day and yeah..didnt work. heh.


Tomorrow im getting up early to help joe clean his car? Or something I guessss.




Then i'm going upnorth sooon. fun shit.


kay bye.
  • Current Music
    nottaaaa